I'm so tired...

Just when I think I am on top of everything, reality hits.

I hate it when I think I did well on a test and then my grade has something completely different to say. And to top it off, my phone decided to call it quits today. In the last week I have lost all of my motivation. I am so tired of everything. I just want to curl up in a blanket and never get out of bed again. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm feeling like there is no point in anything right now because it's not getting me anywhere in life. I am in a state of just being instead of living.

Nothing is what I expect it to be at the moment. My historian position is not going to work out like I thought it would, my fun plans aren't seeming to work out, and my job is getting so exhausting. Even as I sit down to write this I thought some of my stress would go away, but I just feel zoned out. I guess that means this is it for tonight. I will go to bed only to wake up to another monotonous day.

As Ke$ha would say, procrastination is my drug

I stayed after school yesterday to study and was feeling really good about being productive. And then without thinking I came home, sat on the couch, and turned the TV on. It took me a bit to realize "Hey! I'm not supposed to be watching TV!" I have formed habits for a very unproductive lifestyle and those habits are going to be tough to break.

Between watching old shows like Bonanza and M.A.S.H, watching Disney Classics (I have an addiction), and marathoning Chuck and Doctor Who (also HUGE addictions. It doesn't help that I own every episode of each), I leave myself no time for studying. I have tried to do my homework while watching TV, but who am I kidding. Before I know it I have gone through a season of Doctor Who and I'm lucky if I have half of my homework done.

Today in Mass Media my teacher passed out a paper to log the amount of TV we watch this weekend and said that we would be watching part of a show tomorrow in class. She jokingly apologized for anyone that was doing an experiment and not watching TV at the moment. Little did she know, it kind of applies to me. Oh well! I can force myself to watch TV for educational purposes.

I have achieved one small goal so far though. Amazingly enough, I am typing this at my desk! Gasp! I found about 7 packs of gum, a pack of mustache straws (Don't ask...), and countless bobby pin so that's good. Now I actually have a place to do my homework so that should make it a little bit easier.

Anyway, I need to study for my Bio exam tomorrow. I have to work tonight so now is the time.

Distractions...

I will say it right up front. I am a procrastinator. Between Facebook, reading (The Harry Potter Series right now), movies, TV, and Hulu it's a miracle I get the things done that I do. Once I get started reading a textbook or making Biology note cards I am good and actually sort of enjoy it, but the problem is I don't start. I tell myself that I will go home after school and get such and such done, but it rarely ends up happening. There are so many distractions and I easily fall victim to them.

Because of this I have decided to cut almost all distractions out my life life for at least the next week. That means no TV, Candy Crush Saga, reading for fun (nerd problems), and limited use of Facebook. I have done this in the past, but I went straight back to my old ways. I know I will feel better for accomplishing my goals and knowing that I put all of my effort into my homework and studying. I'm hoping I can get on the right track for the rest of the school year because at the moment I am just getting by on late nights and cramming.

I've also decided that it's time to just work on me. I don't need to worry about my family, guys, friends, or anyone else. I want to become a better me and get my life running smoothly. That means I need to exercise, eat healthier, get more sleep, concentrate on school, clear off my desk so I actually have a place to do homework, and then I can worry about balancing everything in my life that I need to.

I will try to blog more often because it's good to get this down so I can hold myself somewhat accountable.

Back to the grind

     Only a week and a half and it feels like I never left. I must say the daily routine has been nice though. Wake up, get dressed, go to school, search for what seems like eternity for a parking spot, try to catch all of the biology terms my prof mentions, try not to fall asleep in class, want lunch but go to class instead, and then go home and veg out. Occasionally work gets thrown in, but that only seems to be the night before an important class or after an exhausting day. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying school, somewhat. It's nice to have new people to talk to, new colored pens to doodle on my notes, and a new space to hang out in.
     This year the program I am in has given us a room to claim as our own and believe me we have. We have brought in our own decorations, food, and dishes. I mean, we are filling the place up like we live there. And we pretty much will for the next year
     Last Friday a couple of us got together and watched Grease. They hadn't seen it so of course, me being the kind person I am, I forced them to watch it. It was nice to hang out with new and old friends. That was definitely one thing I missed about school. I want to be around people because oh can I talk. 
     A few minutes ago I submitted my nomination form for the historian of AH, which is the program I am in. It was time to try something new. Writing a blog is new to me, but here it is. If I get it I think it will be a fun learning experience. Who knows, maybe it will help me decide my major. I just might love documenting things and taking pictures so much that I will know for sure that I want to be a journalist or something along that line.
     As I look at the clock I realize that time has snuck up on me. I promised myself to go to bed earlier tonight because today I was practically a zombie. Maybe I will tomorrow night. I get so caught up in what I am doing that before I know it it is midnight and I'm rambling on.

The beginning of a complicated journey

Today, while discussing my plans for the far off future, I was given a great idea. "Write a blog." So here goes nothing.

Like so many others, I am an average college student that has only a generalized idea of where I am heading in life. I know that I want to end up comfortable, happy, and stable. Beyond that and how I will get there is a looming mystery. I am starting my second year of college and I don't feel any closer to figuring out what I want to do; what I want to become. I've thought about majoring in Communications with a main interest in Journalism, but I can't decide. There are so many career options that I get overwhelmed while at the same time feeling like I have no options. I want to get a degree that will be tangible in the business world and in today's world that seems to be impossible. You hear about college students who have thousands of dollars in loans to pay back, but can only find low-level jobs. I don't want to spend my time and money on school to be told that I'm no better than the average applicant because everyone has a degree now. The more people go to college, the larger pool of applicants becomes. This makes it harder to stand out and be recognized for the unique person you are.

I start school again in just a few short days. It seems like I just got out of school and now summer is over. It will be hard to get back into the daily routine of school, but I am looking forward to that routine. At the beginning of the summer the freedom is nice and I enjoy the chance to just relax, but by now I just want some substance to my days. I like being able to know what I am doing tomorrow and the day after that. I want purpose and to accomplish things during my day instead of just getting my money's worth out of my Netflix subscription. I know what time I have to be up, where I have to go, what homework I have to get done, and what reasonable hour I should go to bed at. I like that I can be proud of myself when I complete my goals.There is no better feeling than accomplishment and I'm an addict who shall do my best to live up to my own great expectations.