With the scribble of a pen

It's incredible what one can do with only a pen and paper. With the right combination of 26 letters you can take a journey to another world filled with endless possibility. Words can fill you with emotions that you would think impossible from such simple symbols. You come to love fictional characters so easily and find yourself sharing their happiness and sorrows. Others twist you in knots because of their close proximity to reality. They are not good or evil, but an ever tilting scale trying to find a balance between the two. We see in them our own struggles and can not help but feel compassion for them. Their fictional woes can give us physical pain. Their triumphs bring smiles to our faces. Their stories bring us hope for our own lives.

Words are more powerful than we could ever know. Having the ability to use them to take others on unforgettable journeys and to bring characters alive is a gift that needs to be cherished and nourished. Remember that scribbles can take you anywhere and the flip of a page has the possibility to change your life.

Grow Up!

People keep telling me to grow up. They say it straight to my face. They say it with what they think to be sly comments. They say it with their looks when I make a corny joke. All around me I am being told to give up my youth and "grow up".

The fact is I don't want to.

I'm not saying it as a spoiled child who doesn't want to work for the things they get or have to go out and function in the real world. To me, the meaning of growing up has changed. I will gladly face the responsibilities that come with being adult. What I will not accept is the loss of a spark for life that I have seen in far too many who are "grown up". I will not give up my sense of wonder about the world and the possibilities it holds for me. I will always love coloring, laughing, singing, dancing, joking, and of course all things Disney.

I have known so many people who have "grown up" and forgotten what it is like to let loose and have good old-fashioned fun. It's as if they don't remember the joys of being a kid. Don't get me wrong, I know that life is stressful and you can't always do what you want to. I just don't see the need to forget all of the things that made you so happy for those that you think you should do.

Of course there is a time and place for everything, but I don't think childish antics have to or should be forgotten. For the most part we were all so happy as children so why not hold on to that feeling and bring that optimism with us into the adult world. We all need to take a breather and remember that life doesn't have to be so serious.

Black Hole of Self Pity

It's funny how much time we waste in our lives feeling sorry for ourselves.

I like to lay around and mope just as much as the next person, but lately I find myself doing it more and more. Every one of us have been wronged and felt the need to curl up in a ball of self pity with heaps of blankets, ice cream, and Full House reruns. As I sit in my hotel room, listening to the ocean crash upon the shore in a mesmerizing hum, I realize how self damaging these actions are. I have once again overreacted to a small comment made by my sister and to punish her, and wallow in self pity, I have gone to sleep on the couch. Wow, I sure have showed her.

Yes, I have a right to feel hurt by things, but feeling sorry for myself gets me nowhere. I waste so much time being angry that I miss out on having fun. I'm not punishing my "wrong doers". I end up punishing myself and regretting it later. When I catch myself moping I find it hard to snap out of it. My self pity is a black hole that keeps pulling me in deeper and deeper. It is so easy for me to find reasons to let myself be sucked in that I justify my actions. When others try to pull me out of my stupor I refuse to allow it. I feel that if I move on it's as if I was wrong for feeling hurt in the first place.

The time is now

The time to apply to transfer schools has come. You would think that previously going through the college application process would make this round less stressful. Unfortunately this is not the case. Not even close.

I have no idea where I will be in a year or what I will be doing and that terrifies me. Life was so easy in high school when you knew that you would be in the same place in a year: going to the same school, living in the same house, same surroundings. Now my future is an unknown. The only reason I have to go forward is so that I'm not standing still. I'm so jealous of my fellow classmates who know what they want to do and where they want to go. They can base their college search on majors, location, prestige, and clubs. I base my choices on application fees, the cost of sending transcripts to a bunch of schools, proximity to home, and my chances of getting financial aid.

There isn't a school that is calling to me. I've never been good at making decisions and this situation is no exception. I haven't ever really had options so I just try to make the best of what others choose for me. I can't see myself going away for college. I can't see myself staying at home. I wish time would stand still and give me more time to try to figure out my life. But life doesn't work that way so I am just along for the ride. It's a lot like Magic Mountain at Disneyland. You are in the dark and don't know what to expect. The sudden turns jerk you around and all you can do is try to anticipate where you will go next and lean into it.