I have no idea where I will be in a year or what I will be doing and that terrifies me. Life was so easy in high school when you knew that you would be in the same place in a year: going to the same school, living in the same house, same surroundings. Now my future is an unknown. The only reason I have to go forward is so that I'm not standing still. I'm so jealous of my fellow classmates who know what they want to do and where they want to go. They can base their college search on majors, location, prestige, and clubs. I base my choices on application fees, the cost of sending transcripts to a bunch of schools, proximity to home, and my chances of getting financial aid.
There isn't a school that is calling to me. I've never been good at making decisions and this situation is no exception. I haven't ever really had options so I just try to make the best of what others choose for me. I can't see myself going away for college. I can't see myself staying at home. I wish time would stand still and give me more time to try to figure out my life. But life doesn't work that way so I am just along for the ride. It's a lot like Magic Mountain at Disneyland. You are in the dark and don't know what to expect. The sudden turns jerk you around and all you can do is try to anticipate where you will go next and lean into it.
